If I ever become a famous blogger, this one of the posts I may go back and delete.
This evening, instead of eating away my emotions, I will try to figure them out. Ok, I won’t lie, I’ve started the eating part a little bit, but now I’m writing.
I’m trying to figure out what evoked this anger in me. I’m irritated, upset, hot-tempered, and also feeling a lot of guilt. I feel so off-center. I’m mad at myself for snapping at my mother for minor things, although she’s been helping me tremendously with my child.
I have no good reason to feel this way. Business today was good enough. The day went without major incident. My husband took it up on himself to organize a date night for when I go back home next week. He actually put some thought and effort into it.
So I guess there isn’t one good reason, but a bunch of little ones that have gotten heavy enough to throw me off balance.I’m balancing on one toe trying not to tip over.
So here’s my list: I’m really annoyed that my family didn’t consult with me at all when organizing lodging options for my cousin’s wedding in late March, even though the wedding is in a city that I know more than all of them. They all live in the midwest and on the east coast. I grew up an hour away from New Orleans. Do they think I wouldn’t know where the good spots are? They didn’t even tell me on their own that they already made plans. I sent a mess text message asking who was planning on coming down for the wedding so that I can look up some cool AirBnBs. That’s when I found out everyone already reserved in some hotel in the burbs. I didn’t want to be petty and argumentative but I replied, why would you guys reserve a hotel that’s about half an hour from the city and a good distance from the wedding venue? makes no sense.
I’m really annoyed that while I continue to work really hard for everything, other people around me can continue to make irresponsible life decisions, or just be lazy, or even lie about what they’ve accomplished, without having to experience any negative consequences. I have a distant cousin that keeps telling people she got accepted into law school but decided not to go because she got pregnant. I know for a fact it isn’t true, she never got in, but everyone believes it. I don’t know why that bothers me so much. It shouldn’t bother me, but it does. Her sister couldn’t get into dental school for the past couple of years . She continues to stay unemployed meanwhile traveling the world and buying whatever she wants thanks to dad. She’s apparently gotten accepted into a prestigious masters program on the east coast that she’s starting this semester. I know that that’s BS. It’s not prestigious at all. It’s where people go when they couldn’t get accepted into the health professions school they wanted and need that extra resume booster. Still though, every time her mom wants to talk about her big plans I just get really irritated. Why do I even care that she’s getting credit she doesn’t deserve? I don’t even know why I care.
My new writing class started yesterday evening. I’m annoyed that I don’t like this class as much as I did the last one (and first) that I took. Maybe I made a mistake by signing up for the evening class. I should have arranged my schedule to be able to take an afternoon class again. I just didn’t realize there would be such a difference between the crowds. It’s too late now. The instructor is great, but I just can not connect to the people in this class. It’s not a crowd I would feel comfortable inviting into my home. There’s an old white lady who stares at me a lot. She also talks to herself. There’s a bit-too-aggressive guy who wanted to turn every discussion into a heated debate.
I’m also annoyed that I could really use some extra help but I can’t hire extra help at this time. I have too many expenses and need to figure out what I can cut out. Adding to the expenses is just going go to stress me out. Meanwhile, I keep forgetting many small tasks that need to get done and my office is starting to look like a hurricane came through.