My first writing contest

I made it to round three. It has nothing to do with my weight loss journey. The round 1 essay is too personal to put out there, but the round 2 essay isn’t even about me, so I share ! The instructions were to write a persuasive essay on what makes a good (as opposed to bad) apology.

In 2014, NBA superstar Lebron James caused his Akron, Ohio neighbors great inconvenience when his homecoming resulted in an epic traffic jam in a residential subdivision.  Nannies couldn’t take four-year-old girls to ballroom dance lessons, parents had to cancel steakhouse dinner reservations, and worst of all, the Amazon delivery man could not do his job. It’s rumored that “best toilet paper to TP a mansion” and “how to let the air out of Bentley tires” were searches trending on google that week in the region corresponding to the geographical coordinates of this Ohio neighborhood.  Since Lebron James decided he had enough scorching sun in his lifetime and didn’t feel like going back to Miami, he knew he had to do something drastic.  Plus, he hated the pizza in Miami.  He brainstormed with his team on how he could deliver the best apology to his outraged neighbors, one that would let them know offensive plays are only for court side, not for neighbors.  According to ESPN, he sent a written apology with the note “we are sorry for the chaos”, to each neighbor along with a box of a dozen cupcakes from his favorite local bakery.  Each box contained six cupcakes of “Just A Kid From Akron Cherry Cola” cupcakes and six “Homecourt Chocolate Chunk” cupcakes.”  The basketball legend had delivered a number of apologies in his lifetime, and his trial and error led him to realize that a good apology is one accompanied with cupcakes, or a sufficient substitute.

How effective was the apology? ESPN interviewed some of these formerly unforgiving neighbors to find out.  “It was really hectic around here,” said David Galehouse, a sophomore at Ohio State whose childhood home is walking distance from James’ house, “but it’s really nice for LeBron to do something like this.”  He continued “they were some of the best cupcakes I ever had.”  In other words, Lebron James was forgiven for everything, including the whole debacle with Amazon deliveries.

Everyone will need to apologize in their lifetime.  Relationships, and even jobs depend on one’s ability to effectively apologize.  Therefore, it’s an essential life skill to be able to deliver a good apology, versus a bad apology, which can render one single and unemployed.  In this essay, we will illustrate with example that what differentiates a good apology versus a bad apology is a simple one: cupcakes!

In 2016, Madonna upset her New York City neighbors by also acting very celebrity.  Like James, she caused distress to her neighbors by blocking off portions of the block she resided on.  Also like James, she delivered an apology to her livid neighbors. “Yes Bishes I am Madonna…sorry! I’m saying 3 extra Hail Mary’s this Easter for this transgression!”. One may read the full apology on Madonna’s Instagram account, however, we only have 1,000 words. Unlike James, her apology did not achieve its purpose with the victims of her said transgression.  The Daily Mail interviewed one neighbor who stated “this just seems so entitled”.   Another neighbor added “one of her staff literally walks into the street and stops cars and pedestrians from passing”.  Nodonna, as one neighbor was heard shouting, was not granted forgiveness.

One might ask what was the difference between the apologies that resulted in one being perceived as a good and and one being perceived as a bad one.  The answer is a baked flour and sugar concoctions that may be found with toppings the color of every wavelength on the spectrum.  They are usually served a dozen at a time, and have been the stars of many reality TV shows.  No, it’s not The Bachelor contestants, but cupcakes, of course!

We now give you another example of why cupcakes makes a good apology while the lack of cupcakes leaves the apologizer and the mercy of others.  The Coldtown theater, Austin’s main alternative comedy theater, has been the sight of many scenes involving drunk and disorderly-in-a-quirky, weird way, patrons.  It is Austin, after all.  One particular apology from such a patron actually landed on their Twitter page.  What makes this one different from all of the other ones? The formerly disgraced patron also included cupcakes (flavor unknown) with his apology note.  Suddenly, everyone is touched and the staff texts their friends all about it.

We now take you from Austin to Hollywood, California where we tell you about another apology story that occurred at a theater.  Kelly Osbourne got kicked out of the ArcLight Theater for similar behavior.  She was irritated, as we all once were, at a giggling gang of teenagers.  Osbourne, suspected to have been a little inebriated, decided to confront them by shouting a few choice words while making gestures not interpreted as friendly.  She disrupted the entire theater and was kicked out.  According to her pal and date that night, Kathy Griffin, Osbourne sincerely apologized, but we barely ever heard of the apology, much less saw the tweets.  In fact, the jury is still out on whether or not the ArcLight Theater has accepted her apology.  What did Osbourne  do wrong that made her apology seem subpar?  If one guessed cupcakes, one was only being reasonable.

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