Cute baby and Z Gallerie comforters

Blink blink blBlink then a full on, wide-eyed freak out session. I overslept !!!!! OMG

I heard the alarm go off, then I went back to sleep. I overslept my 7AM alarm, I have a 2 hour drive ahead of me and today I’m working in an office Ive never worked in before. I’m doing contract work for a nEw person. Horrible day to be late !! I went from unconscious to 100 miles an hour.

I was soooo relieved when I saw that it was actually 620ish. I decelerated back down to like 20mph. I must have just heard my husband’s alarm in my subconscious since I noticed he wasn’t there.

As tired as I was, I was too stimulated to fall back asleep. So yet another long day with 5 hours of sleep. It was hard to say bye to my baby this morning. She was just extra extra cute today.

I dragged today. I had some burst of energy here and there that allowed me to function, but in between I was fighting exhaustion. Days like these promote unhealthy habits. The same habits that got me to this place, 100 pounds away. I have a chick FIL a bag and a jack in the box bag in the car.I’m now writing this from the Starbucks drive through line, 2 hours from my home. My home with the cozy bed, with the super soft comforters I got from a Z Gallerie sale.

I should sleep early tonight.

I should

too big to walk?

Today was a reality check of an undesired direction I’m headed in.  I didn’t go into the office due to the weather situation, so we got stuck in work apartment.  I basically barely did anything physical today.  I spent the majority of the day sitting on the couch in front of the television or my laptop.  I didn’t do much tending to my child even.  My mother (who usually stays with me whether I’m in my home home or work apartment) pretty much did everything for my child.  I got her dressed and put milk in a bottle twice.  I took her out to the the snow for about 10 minutes.  That was it.


The most action I took today was cooking.  I spent around 45 minutes in the kitchen prepping 2 casserole dishes, and by the time I sat back down, I was exhausted and my knees were aching.  After that, I barely got back up for more than  5 minutes at a time.  In retrospect, what I’m most upset about is I had a day off and I barely played with my baby.  She has a lot of energy and is all over the place.  My mom is great with her, she’ll get on her hands and knees and pretend to be a horsey or doggie.  It’s really hard for me to do that.

I also barely flinched when she tried to unroll a whole roll of paper towels in the living room.  She also knocked over a coffee mug full of coffee because I wasn’t fast enough to grab her hand.

My mother relayed to me that my brother said if I continue on this path in one year I won’t be able to walk anymore.

Olive oil goes on everything

In 2013 a study commonly referred to as PREDIMED made some waves.  The study involved 8,000 people being divided into 3 categories.  One category of people was placed on the Mediterranean diet + olive oil, a second group on the Mediterranean diet + nuts, and a third group followed a low-fat plan.



The study screened for individuals considered at-risk for cardiovascular disease and was primarily looked at heart attack, stroke, and death.  The results of the study showed that there was a 30% of cardiovascular disease (specifically heart attack, stroke, and death) in people who were in group 1 and 2 compared to those in group 3.  30% is HUGEEEEE!!!

So this supports my belief that it’s really not about fat.  Back when I was following a low-carb plan I got in the habit of avoiding anything that said low-fat and I definitely never picked up anything “fat free”. I never better than that. It’s better to have less of the real stuff than it is to have artificial substitutions. This also demonstrates that fat isn’t the devil.  It’s something else.

When house shopping

When we were house shopping one of the things high on my list is can I entertain people here?  Can I have more than 10 people over for dinner?  Is the dining room actually big enough to allow me to upgrade to a larger dining table in the future? I imagined Ramadan dinners of cooked lamb and Thanksgiving feasts with the stuffed turkey at the center.  Is there a kitchen island big enough for girls’ movie night spread of an assortment of cheeses, crackers, fruits, and my favorite, mini fruit tarts?

Is there a space for birthday parties? Baby shower? I was a pregnant with my first at the time but I still thought about where that first birthday cake would go and all of those party favors? The first birthday happened months ago and the party favors were actually girly decorated cookie jar mixes in a mason jar. Let me tell you, that cake was gorgeous!!!

I can’t even look back at some of those videos today because I was a lot bigger than I imagined I was.  I don’t mind the pictures though.  I’ve learned to embrace larger me, just not in videos.  Especially where I’m jumping around struggling to do the hokey pokey with mickey mouse.

However, for entertaining, the most important part of the house was the backyard!!! I wanted enough space where we could build an outdoor kitchen where we would grill hot dogs and burgers with our cousins and their kids when the weather was pleasant.  Maybe even a mini freezer to hold ice cream, big enough for at least couple of flavors.  I wanted a space for a gazebo, or maybe a pergola, where we could all sit and relax.  Of course, for me, there had to be a pretty pool. I imagined those little floaty cup holders holding espresso drinks for us to sip from while in the pool.  Maybe even one of those waterfalls attached to the pool that we could turn on and off

The house we eventually closed on and moved into didn’t have everything on our list, but I did get the backyard I wanted and that was the most important thing!  We have since hosted many people, and included lots of food.

Facebook makes you fat

So last week did some work at an office I hadn’t been in in some months.  I noticed one of the staff members there was visibly thinner than the last time I was there.  I complimented him and asked if his new size was intentional.   He said yes. In fact, he had dropped 47 pounds.

What’s your secret? Did you just eat boiled chicken and kale now? Do you run 5 miles a day followed by a 5 minute plank?  He replied “well, first I deleted all my social media.  That really helped!”

File under: delete when famous

If I ever become a famous blogger, this one of the posts I may go back and delete.

This evening, instead of eating away my emotions, I will try to figure them out. Ok, I won’t lie, I’ve started the eating part a little bit, but now I’m writing.

I’m trying to figure out what evoked this anger in me.  I’m irritated, upset, hot-tempered, and also feeling a lot of guilt.  I feel so off-center. I’m mad at myself for snapping at my mother for minor things, although she’s been helping me tremendously with my child.


I have no good reason  to feel this way.  Business today was good enough.  The day went without major incident. My husband took it up on himself to organize a date night for when I go back home next week.  He actually put some thought and effort into it.

So I guess there isn’t one good reason, but a bunch of little ones that have gotten heavy enough to throw me off balance.I’m balancing on one toe trying not to tip over.

So here’s my list:  I’m really annoyed that my family didn’t consult with me at all when organizing lodging options for my cousin’s wedding in late March, even though the wedding is in a city that I know more than all of them.  They all live in the midwest and on the east coast.  I grew up an hour away from New Orleans. Do they think I wouldn’t know where the good spots are? They didn’t even tell me on their own that they already made plans.  I sent a mess text message asking who was planning on coming down for the wedding so that I can look up some cool AirBnBs.  That’s when I found out everyone already reserved in some hotel in the burbs.  I didn’t want to be petty and argumentative but I replied, why would you guys reserve a hotel that’s about half an hour from the city and a good distance from the wedding venue? makes no sense.

I’m really annoyed that while I continue to work really hard for everything, other people around me can continue to make irresponsible life decisions, or just be lazy, or even lie about what they’ve accomplished, without having to experience any negative consequences.  I have a distant cousin that keeps telling people she got accepted into law school but decided not to go because she got pregnant.  I know for a fact it isn’t true, she never got in, but everyone believes it.  I don’t know why that bothers me so much.  It shouldn’t bother me, but it does.  Her sister couldn’t get into dental school for the past couple of years .  She continues to stay unemployed meanwhile traveling the world and buying whatever she wants thanks to dad.  She’s apparently gotten  accepted into a prestigious masters program on the east coast that she’s starting this semester.  I know that that’s BS.  It’s not prestigious at all. It’s where people go when they couldn’t get accepted into the health professions school they wanted and need that extra resume booster.  Still though, every time her mom wants to talk about her big plans I just get really irritated.  Why do I even care that she’s getting credit she doesn’t deserve? I don’t even know why I care.

My new writing class started yesterday evening.  I’m annoyed that I don’t like this class as much as I did the last one (and first) that I took.  Maybe I made a mistake by signing up for the evening class.  I should have arranged my schedule to be able to take an afternoon class again.  I just didn’t realize there would be such a difference between the crowds.  It’s too late now.  The instructor is great, but I just can not connect to the people in this class.  It’s not a crowd I would feel comfortable inviting into my home.  There’s an old white lady who stares at me a lot.  She also talks to herself.  There’s a bit-too-aggressive guy who wanted to turn every discussion into a heated debate.

I’m also annoyed that I could really use some extra help but I can’t hire extra help at this time.  I have too many expenses and need to figure out what I can cut out.  Adding to the expenses is just going go to stress me out.  Meanwhile, I keep forgetting many small tasks that need to get done and my office is starting to look like a hurricane came through.




Time for Accountability

So I’m not doing so well. This happened

I put on like 2 pounds since starting this blog. I had good days and bad days, so my expectation was that my weight didn’t change.

My schedule is unpredictable but I need to figure out how maintain consistency in eating better even though there is no consistency in my actual schedule. Last night was the first night I slept in my own bed in two weeks. I will only be home for two nights before I go to my office, which is in a different state. I stay in a small apartment that I rented next to it. I will be there for about five nights then I’ll get to be home for a whole week.

My schedule should not be an excuse. This has been my lifestyle for some time now.

Never is a promise

The word undulate brings one thing to mind.  A favorite song of mine.

You’ll never see
The courage I know
Its colors’ richness won’t
Appear within your view
I’ll never glow
The way that you glow
Your presence dominates
The judgements made on you
But as the scenery grows
I see in different lights
The shades and shadows
Undulate in my perception
My feelings swell and stretch
I see from greater heights
I understand what I am still
Too proud to mention
To you ~~~ Fiona Apple